Redeeming Memory

Been there, done that - and not in a good way. When I think back on how I handled romantic relationships in high school, I am deeply ashamed. Like Adam and Eve in Genesis 3, I am tempted to hide these parts of my past - from God, from others, and even myself. I want to lock them up and throw away the key. But that’s not how grace - or memory - work. As my 2-year-old and the song “Going on a Bear Hunt” would put it, “Gotta go through it.”

I went on a retreat last month, and this line from a talk really spoke to me: “The way to become a pilgrim of hope is by becoming a woman of memory.” The speaker (referencing St. Augustine) shared how Jesus Christ loves change, and our memories are made to change. What once felt like a memory that would forever hold us in bondage can be brought into new light and life with Christ. Without the Holy Spirit guiding the process, it can be daunting and have disastrous effects. However, when you feel Him leading you down dark memory lane, don’t lean into the memory; lean into Him. Let the Holy Spirit and His beloved spouse - Our Lady - take you by a hand and hold you through it all. Hear the words, “Be brave, my daughter,” and come out of hiding.

Jesus Christ loves change, and our memories are made to change.

This happened for me one morning shortly after the retreat. In my time with the Lord, He led me to reflect on Genesis 3 and, while doing so, an unexpected (and very shameful) memory came to mind. It was from high school - one that, though I had confessed the sin, I had tried to erase from memory because of the pain it caused. That I caused. 

Much like Eve giving the fruit to Adam, I had led my boyfriend to sin in a way that was embarrassing and in which we got caught. Knowing this was my fault and that I had failed had always been a reality too difficult for me to face. But that morning - as He did “in the cool of the day” with Adam and Eve - God was asking me to let Him enter into the memory. To redeem the memory.

He stepped in and took me back to the place. I could see the room where we were, spring sunshine pouring in through the windows; I could even see the outfit I was wearing.

Flowers. My skirt was covered in flowers. 

“Like the Garden,” He whispered softly. 

That’s when I made the connection between me and Eve. Even in the midst of the pure goodness and beauty and fullness of life that were held out to her, she had fallen; and I had, too. When we believed ourselves to be irredeemable, the Lord searched for us and spoke the truth to us instead: “No, daughters, not irredeemable - just in need of a Redeemer.” 

And there is NOTHING He can’t redeem.

Hold onto that hope, and draw close.

"Since, then, we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4:14-16